attitude

  • Why It's Important to Check Things Against Your Life Mission

    Because you may find that, like me, you're placing energy on the wrong priorities.
    ---------

    I fall into cyclical slumps.

    What have I done with my life? Why haven't I achieve more? Why are things still status quo?
    The pattern is uncanny: it's always achievement-oriented.
    A good friend asked me the other day. 
    "What is your life mission?"
    I responded:
    • To be happy
    • To be a person with good character
    • To make a difference in the world by helping people
    • To be the best that I can possibly be
    Then he asked me, "Where does accomplishment fit in?"
    The question stumped me. It doesn't.
    I spend significant time chasing accomplishments. Yet, I definitely wouldn't call 'accomplishment' a life mission.
    Why do I need societal definitions of success - a prestigious education, a sought-after job or a coveted award - to fulfill my life missions?
    I don't deny, whenever I fall into slump mode, the trigger is usually a recent lack of achievements.
    This life mission question my friend asked me really helped me screw my head back on straight.
    In one of the things I was working on, I did not like the fact that a superstar was outperforming me. I wanted to be the number one golden child like I had always been.
    But, this is absolutely stupid. I am getting distracted.
    Becoming the best that I can possibly be involves producing my best work, it does not involve being recognized as #1.
    It's great to benchmark. High performing teams usually have high performers that benchmark against one another. But it's not good when you let it become a 'noise' in your life.
    What other people do is out of my control.
    Where else what I do is very much within my control. I need to stay intrinsically motivated.
    Applying this 'life mission check' helps me manage my agitation. It tells me clearly, where I should focus my energy.
    Thank you, Friend.
    ---------
    I was at PUYO's beneficiary presentation on one of my slump days. I went into the beneficiary in a 'blah' mood, but I came out inspired.
    The Centre for Dreams
    I absolutely love how happy and hopeful they are.
    Again, one of those things that keep me in check.

  • Gift Giving

    I had fun preparing gifts this time.

    I went on Pinterest and stole some craft ideas.
    The gifts I got the most excited about were not the expensive ones.
    They were the quirky and personal ones.
    While I was preparing the gifts, I realized, gift giving is a mindset.
    It can definitely be a chore. 
    I'm sure I don't need to remind you how obligatory special occasions can be.
    But, just like my philosophy in life, anything can be fun if you make it fun.
    The thought of a smile on her face makes me happy.
    That's when I realized gift giving can be fun - and it's definitely not about the monetary value.
    As we 'grow up', we tend to have more money to spend on gifts.
    I often start with a budget, which I don't believe should be the first decision criterion.
    Some of the best gifts I've ever gotten don't even require a budget.
    Case in point: 
    I dug this toilet paper holder up from my stash of memorabilia.
    Someone noticed my toilet paper holder was broken.
    One day, out of nowhere, he got me a new one and drew my friends on it.
    I had such a good laugh. 
    How much did it cost?
    Under $2.
    ------
    Another friend was looking for NeoCitran. 
    The girl was sick and she made a passing comment about how NeoCitran is always out of stock.
    My friend and I walked past a drug store and he asked to go in to take a peek.
    He lives in a different city and wanted to mail NeoCitran to her.
    I thought that was really cute. I mean, who doesn't like opening parcels?
    Nothing extravagant. But it's the thought behind the gift. 
    Unexpected, relevant, and cheap. All in all, very cute.
    ------
    Anyhow, I have new found appreciation for gift giving. 
    I'm sure I will have much more fun with it in the future.
    For starters, I will stop viewing it as a chore.

  • Be Happy

    Two people around me got quite sick recently. "Quite sick" is an understatement, trust me.

    It was hard to swallow. Receiving two pieces of news one after another, within a span of 10 days.
    When the second piece of news hit, I was devastated. It was a low-point.
    I hid under the blanket and slept incessantly.
    However, I am over the hump. 
    When life gives you lemons, you make chocolate sponge cake with no icing. 
    Yes. I like non-sequitur thoughts.
    I appreciate all the email and phone check-ups. 
    Despite failing at so many things in life, I've made some truly solid friends. Young and old.
    Thank you.
    My two friends who have gotten sick both live relatively healthy lifestyles.
    As much as you can try to take care of your body, no one can escape the hands of fate. If ailment comes knocking on your door, it is what it is.
    That said, I still think it's important to take care of your health.
    But, it's even more important to live happy.
    You never know what would happen tomorrow.
    So do yourself the favour. Be happy. Don't be miserable.

  • Rationally Emotional

    2 years ago, I'd never use the word 'emotional' to describe myself.
    But I've realized, in many ways,  I am.
    Excitement, frustration, ambiguity, acceptance, and all related synonyms.
    They come in cycles.
    I am emotionally flamboyant. I laugh and cry loudly.
    I've never been a wait-and-see type person.
    I love to wreck equilibriums.
    The stall is killing me.
    This irritable sense of urgency is definitely a form of emotion I have an abundance of.
    Despite this prickly feeling, I embrace being able to 'feel'.
    Irrationally giddy.
    Irrationally down.
    Feeling for logical people, could be a rational choice.
    Some things should be emotional.
    So I let them be.
    Love. Laugh. Cry. Think. Feel.
    I choose to live rationally emotional.

  • Beauty, Success & Intelligence: A Never Ending Chase

    As I skimmed through Paula Broadwell's bio on Huffington Post, I thought to myself, "She's quite the package."

    The General Petraeus affair got me thinking.
    In this world of 7 billion people, there's bound to be someone better looking, more successful, and more intelligent.
    If your insecurity stems from: 
    • I'm not as good looking.
    • I'm not as successful.
    • I'm not as smart.
    Well, you likely will be miserable. Because you're absolutely right. There's always someone "better" out there.
    What makes a relationship or a marriage work, is not how attractive, how successful or how brilliant your partner is. Essentially, what holds everything together is a couple's commitment to each other.
    Let's say my husband falls for someone more attractive. Seriously, what can I really do about it?  I'd be sad no doubt. But, I will try hard not to let that affect my self-esteem. 
    Beauty, success or intelligence is a never ending chase.
    At one point, you just got to go, "That's it. However I am, I choose to be happy."
    Max out your potential. But at one point, we all need to learn contentment.
    Not saying bad things will not happen. But, understand, certain things, are simply out of your control.

  • $2 Happiness

    I dropped by the gas station after dinner.
    I decided it was going to be a long night and I needed a cup of coffee.
    I walked into Esso On the Run.
    The cashier looked up, expecting me to go up to the front counter.
    I gave him a beaming smile with lots of teeth and no eyes. I looked exactly like this emoticon .
    In my usual upbeat tone, I pointed to the coffee counter and said, "I'm here for coffee!" 
    He returned my big smile, "Good timing! We just brewed a fresh pot!"
    "Awesome!" I replied, "I've lucked out!"
    Then he said, "Back home, when this happens, it means Mother Nature's looking out for you."
    Me: "Well, that means it's my lucky day!"
    I poured myself a cup of  coffee and walked towards the cashier.
    At which point he said to me, "Well, I'm going to make your day an even luckier one."
    He ushered me away as I pulled out my wallet. 
    I shook my head, but he shook his hands even harder.
    I smiled and said thank you. He didn't charge me for my coffee.
    I drove out of the gas station feeling very happy. $2 is not much at all.
    As small as this gesture is, it's so nice to receive simple warmth from a stranger.
    Whenever I'm sad, I shall read posts like this. Happiness could come from very small things.

  • I Am The Undisputed Expert of My Own Experience

    I did a quick scan of my Twitter feed.

    "10 Essential Traits... "

    "Here's how..."

    "3 Ways to..."

    The internet is full of experts.

    They often have interesting things to say. But there's also a plethora of conflicting viewpoints.

    After reading similar articles over and over again, I've stopped clicking into articles that used to pique my interest.

    Everyone's path is different.

    I reach out to different people when I need perspective on different issues.

    However, I am the final gatekeeper on advices.

    There's a billion ways to get things done. I create a path that works for me.

    One of the best quotes that I've stumbled across recently:

    "You're the undisputed expert of your own experience." - Tom Kelly, IDEO

    Experts can say this and that. So what?

    Failure or success, you can make something out of it.

    Yes I read other people's stories. They are food for thought. They get my thinking hat going.

    But, the process doesn't end there.

    I listen to other people's stories, so that I can create my own.

    When noise comes your way; when experts tell you what you're doing belong to the 'what not to do' category.

    I say... 

    So what?

    I am the undisputed expert of my own experience.

    In my life time, I intend to fail a lot.

    And I don't care.

     

  • One Of The Many Things My Ex Taught Me

    We were on the phone.

    Suddenly, he said, "Babe, I got to go. I just rear-ended a car."

    When we met up for lunch an hour later, he greeted me with a big smile.

    For someone who had just gotten into an accident, I expected a less jovial greeting.

    I asked if he was ok. He said yes and briefly recounted the accident.

    Then he proceeded to talking about other things.

    Throughout lunch, he showed no sign of annoyance.

    Finally, I asked him, "Babe, why do you seem so unaffected? Aren't you annoyed? I would be if I were you!"

    He said to me, "Yes I am. However, I don't need to take it out on you."

    ------

    Before this incident, whenever I got annoyed. I showed it.

    I sulked or I refused to talk.

    However, I consciously curb my negativity now.

    Regardless of how I feel, I have no right to poison the environment around me. Other people don't deserve to be punished for my 'misfortune'.

    It was my ex who taught me that.

    ------

    So thank you. It has become a lesson I draw on frequently.

     

  • It Takes A Certain Type of Personality

    ... to be handed blatant rejections over and over again, but can still look you in the eye and firmly say, "I am an equal."

    Sometimes I wonder where my confidence comes from.

    My ability to handle all sorts of rejections amazes even myself.

    I want to document this moment because one day, through the date stamps on my blog posts, I will prove one simple fact:

    Even while I'm failing, I believe I can.

    I don't just say it after the fact. I say it now.

    ----

    On a side note, I twisted my ankle at the PUYO retreat last weekend. I'm running the SportingLife 10k this Sunday. This really sucks, because I wanted to beat last year's time. But, I don't know if I can now.

    But I'm still going to run/walk this run through.

     

  • Recognizing the Privileges In Your Life

    When my laptop broke, I made the decision to drop $1500 on a new laptop because I needed it desperately. Despite being extremely frustrated with my laptop's blue screen of death, I understood, being able to drop a thousand dollars without raising an eyebrow is a privilege.

    When I failed, I knew it was my series of decisions that led to my failure. Despite the failure, I knew it was a situation where I had the opportunity to carve my path. I understood, being able to control my own destiny is a privilege.

    Whenever I'm down, I remind myself:

    If my bad situations are really all privileges I take for granted, what the hell do I have to complain about?

    Then my negative thoughts go away.