self reflection

  • When Plans Don't Work

    "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell.

     When my plans don't unfold the way I want them to, I sink into a default way of thinking:

     "Ling, next steps. Think."

     "Make it work."

     "How can you make the most out of what you have?"

    Today, as I was going through this again, I stopped myself.

    This constant exercise of evaluating options hurt my head.

    I don't always need to be making decisions about my life.

    What's the hurry?

    When plans don't work, I have this tendency of wanting to fix the situation.

    Well, I don't need to.

    Accept and let it be.

     

  • "A" For Penmanship

    I looked over to a coworker's notepad during our annual planning meeting earlier this week.

    He was a highly regarded colleague, very well respected in the organization.
    However, his penmanship was less than impressive.
    "So what?" I thought to myself. 
    So what if he has ugly handwriting?
    ------
    When I was in elementary school, scoring good grades in my handwriting assignments was a big deal.
    I still remember the pencil markings off the dotted and solid lines.
    It meant the world to me when I scored an A, and it saddened me when I realized that my classmate scored an A+.
    ------
    Years later, looking at my coworker's less than spectacular handwriting, I marveled at how much I used to care about something that does not really matter.
    I was graded for good penmanship, therefore, I was conditioned to care.
    But, looking back, who cares?
    ------
    As an adult, just like how I was graded on good handwriting, I'm graded on many things.
    May I have the wisdom to differentiate between things that matter and things that don't.
    To the 6 year-old Ling, good penmanship was a big deal.
    It is not.

  • Don't Count the Pennies & Cents

    I find myself counting the pennies & cents. Inevitably, I get worked up.

    Because, when you're counting down to the pennies, things almost always never balance.
    And I get upset. Which meddles with my productivity.
    I need to step back and re-calibrate the balance.
    Don't let the pennies & cents distract me.
    Bigger picture, Ling.
    Right now there's too much frustration, which is counter productive.
    I need to find my inner strength. 
    Focus on what I can control. Look past the pennies and cents.
    Detach myself from the situation, and focus on the right priorities.
    I'm feeling so antsy I really need to practice emotional discipline.
    Most things don't matter. Let it go.

  • Acceptance

    Whenever something bad happens. I always tell myself, "things could always be worse." 
    And I look at how good my life is relative to other people, I genuinely believe in that.
    The last four months felt long. I felt I cramped a full year into four months. 
    Friends getting cancer. Family passing away. Changes at work.
    The one sentiment I walk away with is ironically, acceptance.

    I don't think life is particularly unfair. Life is simply different.

    To my friends fighting their fates, keep your infectious positivity.

    To myself, there are a couple of things I don't want to forget:

    My last memory of Mommy reminds me that I should always take accountability for my actions. Whatever plight I'm caught in, it's likely a result of my own action at one point in time. Therefore, I should come to grips with the circumstance and understand that whatever that's happening is happening because of me, not because of anyone else.

    Second, I tell myself: at one point, everyone loses their loved ones. It's a big deal, but it's also a part of life. Accept it. Many people in this world are going through greater pains.

    Finally, I might die tomorrow. No one's to say I will live until I'm 80. That's a gift, not a right. But I should live my life in such a way that if I were to shut my eyes for good tomorrow, I'd leave smiling knowing that I made the most out of my life and that I've been a relatively good person despite my imperfections. 

    That said, last post of melancholy, I promise.

    ------

    I did a quick trip back to Taiwan for the funeral and I got to see my cousins! I haven't seen my Japanese cousin for over 10 years! He has two kids so I'm officially an aunt! Woot!

     

    4 cousins, 3 countries.

    My cousin's new lock screen, my work of art!

  • Why It's Important to Check Things Against Your Life Mission

    Because you may find that, like me, you're placing energy on the wrong priorities.
    ---------

    I fall into cyclical slumps.

    What have I done with my life? Why haven't I achieve more? Why are things still status quo?
    The pattern is uncanny: it's always achievement-oriented.
    A good friend asked me the other day. 
    "What is your life mission?"
    I responded:
    • To be happy
    • To be a person with good character
    • To make a difference in the world by helping people
    • To be the best that I can possibly be
    Then he asked me, "Where does accomplishment fit in?"
    The question stumped me. It doesn't.
    I spend significant time chasing accomplishments. Yet, I definitely wouldn't call 'accomplishment' a life mission.
    Why do I need societal definitions of success - a prestigious education, a sought-after job or a coveted award - to fulfill my life missions?
    I don't deny, whenever I fall into slump mode, the trigger is usually a recent lack of achievements.
    This life mission question my friend asked me really helped me screw my head back on straight.
    In one of the things I was working on, I did not like the fact that a superstar was outperforming me. I wanted to be the number one golden child like I had always been.
    But, this is absolutely stupid. I am getting distracted.
    Becoming the best that I can possibly be involves producing my best work, it does not involve being recognized as #1.
    It's great to benchmark. High performing teams usually have high performers that benchmark against one another. But it's not good when you let it become a 'noise' in your life.
    What other people do is out of my control.
    Where else what I do is very much within my control. I need to stay intrinsically motivated.
    Applying this 'life mission check' helps me manage my agitation. It tells me clearly, where I should focus my energy.
    Thank you, Friend.
    ---------
    I was at PUYO's beneficiary presentation on one of my slump days. I went into the beneficiary in a 'blah' mood, but I came out inspired.
    The Centre for Dreams
    I absolutely love how happy and hopeful they are.
    Again, one of those things that keep me in check.

  • Reversing Stagnation Means Making Myself Uncomfortable

    For the last week or so, I felt stagnant.

    I ran through a list of things I'm working on right now. 
    I put them under three general lists:
    1. I do them because they will help me get to my end goal eventually.
    2. I do them because I love what I do. i.e. PUYO
    3. I do them because they are part of my responsibilities.
    The fact that I feel stagnant means that nothing I'm doing right now is providing the right mental stimulus. 
    So I'm going to do something about it.
    I'm going to force myself to do something new. I have three things in mind that I could start to make me feel alive again.
    I intend to pick up only one of the three because I don't have the capacity to do more. 
    But, picking up something new would require me to deprioritize something from list 3, which essentially means, not giving my 100%. This will bug me.
    So I asked myself, am I comfortable with being uncomfortable?
    To help me get to my answer, I reminded myself of my end goal.
    If things on list 3 aren't helping me achieve my end goal, regardless of how uncomfortable I am about not giving my 100%, I need to let go.
    I intend to reverse my state of stagnation. The process will irk me because it involves consciously not doing my best. But checking everything I do against my end goal assures me that I am making the right decision.
    Therefore I'm going to do it.
    Right away.

  • Applying Quick Filters

    I encountered a persistent-turn-annoying sales person today.

    When I received yet another email pushing for a meeting which I had declined months ago, my immediate reaction was to craft a curt response.
    Then, this quote came to mind: "Be nice on your way up for you will see them on your way down."
    So I deleted the curt email and started one in a neutral tone.
    Not that I'm on my way 'up', but I had stronger bargaining power in this situation.
    The quote was a form of arbitrary intervention. It helped to regulate my behaviour.
    ---------
    On my recent Asia trip, one of the most common lines my best friend used on me was "damn bossy".
    Sometimes, I speak authoritatively without even realizing it. It has it's place. But not in a social setting.
    To break this habit, a friend suggested that I actively question my actions. This layer of filter will help me regulate my own behaviour.
    Indeed.
    Becoming more self-aware is a good thing.

  • Everyone Needs A Super Fan

    Sometimes the world around you will start to shake.

    Failures after failures, your confidence dwindles.

    As you begin to doubt yourself, your super fan comes in.

    He/she will look you in the eye, and tell you firmly, "You can."

    You know he/she's not throwing out empty words of encouragement.

    The conviction behind his/her words is a reflection of his/her faith in you.

    This super fan is not blind. In fact, this super fan is brilliant. You have tremendous respect for him/her.

    His/her vote of confidence gives you the strength to carry on.

    If he/she sees something in you, maybe you should too.

    This is why, I think everyone needs a super fan.

    When you lose faith in yourself, there's still that one person who believes in you.

    It's a simple conviction.

    This conviction could carry you through.

     

  • Recognizing the Privileges In Your Life

    When my laptop broke, I made the decision to drop $1500 on a new laptop because I needed it desperately. Despite being extremely frustrated with my laptop's blue screen of death, I understood, being able to drop a thousand dollars without raising an eyebrow is a privilege.

    When I failed, I knew it was my series of decisions that led to my failure. Despite the failure, I knew it was a situation where I had the opportunity to carve my path. I understood, being able to control my own destiny is a privilege.

    Whenever I'm down, I remind myself:

    If my bad situations are really all privileges I take for granted, what the hell do I have to complain about?

    Then my negative thoughts go away.

     

  • Strong Bias Towards Action

    I make decisions fast and I act on my decisions fast.

    I don't stall. I don't wait.

    I don't overthink anything.

    I usually ask myself two simple questions:

    1. Do I want it?
    2. Is this the right thing to do?

    If both answers are positive, I do it.

    I was at a team building event in January. Members of our team took turns asking one another random questions that HR prepared for us.

    My coworker asked me, "If you could do one thing and not worry about failure, what would it be?"

    I thought for a bit and responded, "Nothing."

    Thought of failure truly isn't part of my decision making process. If I want something, I do it!

    Whether I fail or not, doesn't even cross my mind.

    My mentality is, I can always just start from zero. Education is the greatest tool I've ever received and it's forever mine to keep.

    So what do I have to lose?

    Just to clarify, I do make contingency plans.

    I have no doubt that with my personality, I'm going to fail all the time.

    But I'm very at ease with my failures. Like I often say, I will always get up.

    I read this on Forbes last night:

    In Just Start!, a new book Schlesinger coauthored, he looks at how serial entrepreneurs who built businesses with revenues ranging from $200 million to the billions—actually behaved when starting a business. And, contrary to the popular image of entrepreneurs as swashbucklers who routinely take crazy risks, many turned out to be pretty careful and analytical. “What surprised me, quite honestly, is the fundamental difference between the myths we structure for entrepreneurs and the reality,” he says.

    The first thing serial entrepreneurs do when starting a business, the authors found, is to take a small, “smart step” toward something they desire to achieve. Next, they stop and reflect on what that action accomplished. Finally, they decide if they still want to move forward, given what they have deemed to be their “acceptable loss”—or, as Schlesinger put it recently— “how excited you are about an idea against what you have in time and money.” With each step they take, they go through the process again until they either bail out, shift in another direction or succeed. Of course, they act quickly. Moseying through the steps doesn’t work in a fast-paced, global economy."

    Full Article Here

    I'm experimenting right now. And while driving home from my morning nonprofit meeting, I thought of a person I should reach out to. So I emailed him immediately when I got home. He could point me in the right direction for my next "small step".

    I had a good five hour chat with a friend earlier this week. We were talking about the law of attraction. About how when you're ready to do something, you would be surprised at the resources readily available to you that you've never noticed.

    My body's sick and I should rest. But my mind's racing.

    Even though my new year resolution is to 'live', the pace at which I'm unexpectedly moving has surprised even myself.

    My setback in December was emotionally draining. 

    I had to change course.

    It led me to more decisions. And I continue to make these decisions. Right or wrong, time will tell.

    "People don't fail. They pivot." - Leonard A. Schlesinge

    I'm pivoting.