December 7, 2012

  • Rationally Emotional

    2 years ago, I'd never use the word 'emotional' to describe myself.
    But I've realized, in many ways,  I am.
    Excitement, frustration, ambiguity, acceptance, and all related synonyms.
    They come in cycles.
    I am emotionally flamboyant. I laugh and cry loudly.
    I've never been a wait-and-see type person.
    I love to wreck equilibriums.
    The stall is killing me.
    This irritable sense of urgency is definitely a form of emotion I have an abundance of.
    Despite this prickly feeling, I embrace being able to 'feel'.
    Irrationally giddy.
    Irrationally down.
    Feeling for logical people, could be a rational choice.
    Some things should be emotional.
    So I let them be.
    Love. Laugh. Cry. Think. Feel.
    I choose to live rationally emotional.

November 27, 2012

  • A Night of Good Omens

    As some of you may know, I'm a hopeless optimist. I see the good in everything.

    Tonight's just full of good omens. 
    • I think 'not smiling' is probably baked into custom officers' job requirement. The custom officer said, "Good luck and I'm sure you will do well. I can tell." Straightest face ever. Not even a faint uplift of the lips. Thanks angry-looking custom officer, despite your face. 
    • Before I boarded the plane, my friend told me he met a bunch of new people. When I realized one of them is a crush of mine from a while back, I giggled like a high-school girl. I don't really know him. So it was just this big blind crush. But, hey, to be 30 and still be able to feel like a giddy high-school girl? I will not trade this feeling for anything else! It's a blessing!
    • I did not expect a free continental breakfast. When I got my breakfast coupon upon checking in, I smiled from ear to ear.
    • Err, why am I in a suite and not a hotel room? Beats me.
    • Free public wifi from neighbourhood GSK. Score! Paying for internet is a sin. I'm glad I am not a sinner tonight.

    I hope these are truly omens for what's to come tomorrow.

November 25, 2012

  • Why Should A Woman Take Her Husband's Last Name?

    I'm truly no feminist. I'm very grateful to the male species in my life.

    A girl friend logged in to her Facebook account one day to find her last name changed to her husband's.
    Her husband likely did it. I laughed when I heard the story. It was cute of her husband. 
    However, why should a woman take her husband's last name?
    I prefer not to for the following reasons:
    • In my generation, I'm one of the only two Chungs in our family. My cousin isn't close to the rest of the Chungs. I feel I carry the family last name. I want to make my clan proud. 
    • The kids will take his last name. Therefore I get to keep mine. If he's willing to let a kid take my last name, then sure, I can give up my last name if he wants.
    • I believe in a sense of identity. When I moved to Canada, I had the option of giving myself an English name but I did not. I stuck with my Chinese name. To me, my name is my identity. My identity should not be a revolving door.
    • Getting IDs changed is trouble that no one needs to go through.
    My initial position is this, however, I am not married to the idea. I'm open to discussion. But, it's definitely a conversation I intend to have. 
    I am a Chung and I'm proud.
    Feel free to visit my village. 

November 21, 2012

  • Beauty, Success & Intelligence: A Never Ending Chase

    As I skimmed through Paula Broadwell's bio on Huffington Post, I thought to myself, "She's quite the package."

    The General Petraeus affair got me thinking.
    In this world of 7 billion people, there's bound to be someone better looking, more successful, and more intelligent.
    If your insecurity stems from: 
    • I'm not as good looking.
    • I'm not as successful.
    • I'm not as smart.
    Well, you likely will be miserable. Because you're absolutely right. There's always someone "better" out there.
    What makes a relationship or a marriage work, is not how attractive, how successful or how brilliant your partner is. Essentially, what holds everything together is a couple's commitment to each other.
    Let's say my husband falls for someone more attractive. Seriously, what can I really do about it?  I'd be sad no doubt. But, I will try hard not to let that affect my self-esteem. 
    Beauty, success or intelligence is a never ending chase.
    At one point, you just got to go, "That's it. However I am, I choose to be happy."
    Max out your potential. But at one point, we all need to learn contentment.
    Not saying bad things will not happen. But, understand, certain things, are simply out of your control.

November 15, 2012

  • It's Happening Again

    The next 15 days is going to be critical.

    I have some major deadlines creeping up. In work and in life.
    Honestly, I'm just living deadline by deadline now. I'm out of town again towards the end of the month.
    I don't know how I'm going to hit all these deadlines.
    In the process, I'm just going to go into my usual whiny-melodramatic-the-world-is-ending mode.
    I'm often locked in meetings during the day, with limited computer time.
    So I end up having to play catch up after.
    Tomorrow's a Friday and I have 6 meetings starting from 9:30am going all the way to 6:30pm. Then I get on with my real sit-down work after. Annual business planning. Customer planning. I have to figure out amid all of these, how I'm going to fit a personal priority that has an end of month deadline.
    Being an accessible person means that people like to reach out to me - this opens doors to opportunities that I wouldn't otherwise get.
    But, at times, I get abused by it. People like to default to me because they know that I will help.
    It's been a fruitful year at work. The more I do, the more I get to do. 
    My performance review went well. Biggest bonus ever. If only I could trade some of it to buy some time just to hit my personal deadline. But I can't. I have too many important meetings this month to miss work.
    It was noted in my performance review that I need more work-life balance and that I tend to take on more than I should.
    Work alone really isn't bad. It's because I layer in my nonprofit and personal development priorities that I become chased by deadlines.
    I did live up to what I said I would do. Between January and July, I had a lot of fun. I went on dates. I caught up with friends.
    I just need to get through the rest of this year. If I attain my personal goal, that would lift a big load off my chest.
    It could change my life and I'd stop living in a limbo like I am now.
    I am truly trying to simplify my life. It might not appear that I am with all that I'm doing. But to be able to streamline my life, I need to pay some price up front.
    I don't know how I'm going to hit all these deadlines, but I know I will.

November 9, 2012

  • Applying Quick Filters

    I encountered a persistent-turn-annoying sales person today.

    When I received yet another email pushing for a meeting which I had declined months ago, my immediate reaction was to craft a curt response.
    Then, this quote came to mind: "Be nice on your way up for you will see them on your way down."
    So I deleted the curt email and started one in a neutral tone.
    Not that I'm on my way 'up', but I had stronger bargaining power in this situation.
    The quote was a form of arbitrary intervention. It helped to regulate my behaviour.
    ---------
    On my recent Asia trip, one of the most common lines my best friend used on me was "damn bossy".
    Sometimes, I speak authoritatively without even realizing it. It has it's place. But not in a social setting.
    To break this habit, a friend suggested that I actively question my actions. This layer of filter will help me regulate my own behaviour.
    Indeed.
    Becoming more self-aware is a good thing.

October 31, 2012

  • Old Photographs

    AhMa1

    AhMa2

    I'm in Taiwan right now and I dugged up these old pictures.

    They were taken in the early 90s.

    We were waiting for the cab. One that would take me to the Tao Yuan (Taiwan) airport where I'd be shipped off to Singapore again, alone, without my mom, my grandpa and my grandma.

    I cried up a storm the morning of, and was out of tears by this point.

    I remember this scene vividly.

    I remember feeling this way: I was upset that the adults ignored my plea to stay. I was sad that while most kids grow up in the comfort of their own homes, I saw mine 2 months out of 12.

    20 some odd years later, looking at this scene again in pictures, I realized I missed an emotion.

    Look at the way my grandma looked at me and the way she held on to me. She was tearing. It pained me, but it pained her too.

    I didn't quite realize that.

    These pictures brought tears to my eyes.

    Ah Gong, Ah Ma, I miss you.

    Related Post: Hi Dad!

October 20, 2012

  • I'm Seeing Them In Less Than A Week

    I'm seeing my cousin in less than a week.

    I still remember my last trip to Singapore.
    My cousin left for work and I slept in. 
    My first awake instinct was to reach for my laptop.
    Only to find my cousin's Care Bear sitting on it, greeting me with a smile.
    That was a deliberate move on part of my cousin.
    It was a small gesture, but I thought it was the sweetest thing.
    I smiled.
    ------
    I'm seeing Flea in less than a week.
    Flea took a week off work during my visit to Singapore.
    I jokingly said, "Woah. So good to me."
    She responded, "Of course, I must take a week off just to babysit you."
    She saw me almost everyday. Took me everywhere.
    At times I went off to meet my other friends.
    She would then go home to take a nap. But she'd always meet me after.
    The amount of time she carved out for me was incredible.
    You don't make that much effort for people you don't care about.
    -----
    I'm seeing the twins in less than a week.
    One of the twins is getting married on Oct 27.
    We haven't lived in the same country since 1994.
    I'm honoured she picked me as the Maid of Honour.
    Whenever I visit Taiwan, I'm always a priority.
    The twins typically show it by stuffing my face.
    When PwC worked the bride-to-be to death, she told her boss, "I must get out tonight. I have dinner with a very, very important friend."
    I was that important friend.
    -----
    I'm not seeing Hao, my other cousin in less than a week.

    But I still want to write about him.
    Before I left for the airport, I went into his room to give him a hug.
    He was still in bed. He opened his sleepy eyes and let out an incoherent "bye".
    He was a little taken aback. Singaporeans aren't used to hugging.
    I patted his head and told him, "Jie Jie's leaving. Take care ok?"
    I left his room.
    5 minutes later, while I was gathering my luggage at the door, Hao emerged from his room, all changed.
    He said, "I'll go to the airport with you guys."
    That was my 18-year-old cousin's subtle way of expressing his affection.
    I got it.
    ----
    Over the next two weeks, I'm going to see some very important people in my life.
    Not all of them, but some.
    It's particularly heart warming to be this loved even after our decades of oceans apart.
    Irreplaceable.

October 17, 2012

  • Everyone Needs A Super Fan

    Sometimes the world around you will start to shake.

    Failures after failures, your confidence dwindles.

    As you begin to doubt yourself, your super fan comes in.

    He/she will look you in the eye, and tell you firmly, "You can."

    You know he/she's not throwing out empty words of encouragement.

    The conviction behind his/her words is a reflection of his/her faith in you.

    This super fan is not blind. In fact, this super fan is brilliant. You have tremendous respect for him/her.

    His/her vote of confidence gives you the strength to carry on.

    If he/she sees something in you, maybe you should too.

    This is why, I think everyone needs a super fan.

    When you lose faith in yourself, there's still that one person who believes in you.

    It's a simple conviction.

    This conviction could carry you through.

     

October 11, 2012

  • Dishwashers Are Scary

    For years I've used my dishwasher as a drying rack. Yes, very Asian indeed.
    The inside of my dishwasher is beginning to collect dust.
    I just spent the last 30 minutes wiping my dishwasher down with 1/2 a tub of Wet Ones.
    Counter intuitive I know. But I reckoned I should wipe my dishwasher down before I gave it a wash.
    I punched in "how to use a dishwasher" into almighty Google. 
    I followed the instructions. It said to turn the dial slowly to "start", and I did.
    Then, my dishwasher started to rumble. 
    It reminded me of King Kong beating its chest just as it's about to climb up some skyscraper.
    That was what my dishwasher sounded like.
    I decided to chicken out of this dishwasher experiment. 
    I turned the dial back to its original position.
    The last thing I wanted was a flood in my condo when I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before.
    It takes courage to use a dishwasher, and I had none.
     
    I hereby conclude, dishwashers are scary.